When it's right to get back together

Can a break-up ever be fixed?

It can be tempting to revisit old ground when it comes to relationships, particularly when loneliness kicks in. While romances end for a reason and the decision to get back together should never be taken lightly, these examples reveal there are times where a second chance might just be the best idea…

When you’re now living closer
If a long-distance relationship didn't work out, it might be worth getting back in touch if one of you moves closer. Be upfront about how you’re feeling and explain to your ex that things might be different now you're in the same city, and you're willing to give it another go. It's amazing how much easier being on the same bus route can make things. If all that was holding you back was logistics, a change of circumstances can make a world of difference.

When you’ve both grown up
Couples can break up because they’re too young to appreciate what they’ve got and haven’t yet got the maturity to deal with the demands of a relationship. On top of that, the upheavals of young life - university, new jobs, changing circles of friends - can get in the way. Once life has settled down and you’ve spent significant time apart, you may realise exactly what you were missing. It’s a cliché, but you don’t always know what you had until it’s gone. Age changes people in different ways though, so take it slowly and don’t have unrealistic expectations.

When he’s dealt with his problems
If a relationship didn’t work the first time, you can guarantee old problems will rear their ugly head again unless something has really changed. If your ex has truly confronted the issues that drove you apart - he might have put a stop to his all-night benders or finally plucked up the courage to speak to his boss about his unreasonable hours - things might run a lot more smoothly between you. But let him show you he’s definitely changed before you take the plunge.

When you’ve forgiven him
Some sins are easier to overlook than others - you may find it hard to get over his cheating, for example. But if he’s sincerely sorry for past mistakes, and you can honestly say you’ve forgiven him, by all means give it another go. However, if you find you’re still reading his emails, glancing through his phone and verifying his stories, the trust has probably gone for good. Test your feelings by taking his word at face value and refusing to check up on him. If you’re left anxiety-free, you could be on to a good thing.

When everyone else says you should
Ultimately, it’s the couple’s decision whether you should get back together. But if the people you trust the most are screaming that you’re perfect for one another, it could be worth looking at the situation from their perspective. They say your mother knows best, and if your mother, sister, best friends and auntie all reckon you’re an ideal match, give reconciliation some serious thought. Ask them to give you specific reasons, make a list and see if you’re convinced.